The look and feel of this blog is totally due to the genius and html skillery of Lena Towes of Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates. I may have a graphic design degree, but I completely and decidedly skipped web design because I cannot deal with this nonsensery that is all this mumbo jumbo that makes my website look so pretty.
Lena also has amazing tips and tutorials for this mess of letters and numbers!
I am extremely thankful that someone who knows what they're doing is willing to share with the rest of us!
10.02.2007
The Twin Q & A
I am constantly asked twin questions. From random people in the store, to friends of friends who are having twins, and I thought I would condense all the information. Perhaps when I get asked questions, hand them a card with the web address? Would that be rude? Probably. Well it was a nice idea anyway. So here it is.
Q: Will I really need two of everything?
A: Will you need it? No. Will you end up with two or more of everything in the end? Yes.
While it may not make fiscal sense- your sanity and ability to get some non-twin-related-stuff done is worth something. If you don't want to buy it all in one fell swoop, stagger it out and get it as you need it. Or try second hand stuff- it's just as good.
Q: But will I need two cribs? Don't they sleep together?
A: (sad chuckling) Oh, you will need two cribs. I know it is tempting to try and save some $ and some space in the nursery, but the reality will come. You will wish that you weren't trying to set up crib #2 with twins running around- without causing damage to the already set up crib #1. (and sometimes the stores discontinue styles on a whim)
Yes, they may sleep together for a little bit. (Mine only lasted 3 mos) Think about it, if you had to spend all your hours with your sibling, wouldn't you be begging for some space of your own? Our twins slept so much better when they weren't bothered by each other. And it just seems odd to think that crib bumpers and plush toys in with baby are no-no's (even though my kids had both with them) but a whole other baby in there wiggling around would be ok. No thank you! And if you buy two big ticket items like that, you can usually angle for a discount! The least of which is the Babies R' Us twin discount of a whopping 10% (insert sarcastic oohs and aaahs here)
Q: How do you get them to sleep on a schedule?
First of all, check out the books on this list. A few items that you will need: swaddler blankets (I recommend these), or the super-amazing talent to properly swaddle with a normal blanket, a noise machine with a "white noise" setting, black out shades, and some patience. As new babies, there is really no hope of a schedule, although they may tend to do things in the same time frame if you feed them both in order or at the same time. The noise machine will help drown out superfluous noise and remind them of the womb, the black out shades will help during naptime, and swaddlers prevent them from waking themselves or each other up with any unnecessary and distracting flailing. I am also a big fan of the cry it out method, or ferberizing when the twins are older. I don't see it as cruel, I see it as teaching them a very valuable skill that they will need and I will treasure; being able to settle themselves down and self-soothe.
Q: Can you really breastfeed twins?
A: I have heard of women who do. But I was never one of them. I was so over-tired, over-stressed, and just wound up so tight in general that one more hurdle (like breastfeeding twins) was one thing I was willing to toss out the window at the first chance. I did pump for two months, and that was very difficult, and added at least 30-45 minutes to the already hour long feeding routine. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work for you. I have seen the pictures of those moms feeding both babies football style, but I just pitied their inability to delegate.
Having other people feed the twins was a lifesaver that I was not willing to part with.
Q: Were you put on bedrest?
A: Yes. And if you're carrying multiples, you will be too. I have yet to meet a multiple mommy who wasn't put on 'the rest' at some point. (yes, I am making up my own slang) Plan for it. I can't remember exactly how long mine was... it seemed like forever, but it was realistically like 6-8 weeks. There are so many things that can get you slapped with 'the rest' it is statistically likely that you'll have some special couch time too. My sentencing was due to blood pressure or what's known as pre-eclampsia. Start learning how to knit or something. I watched old Grey's Anatomy seasons I had on DVD about 10 trillion times.
Q: What kind of stroller is best for twins?
A: I wouldn't know. I am a self-proclaimed stroller junkie. But here's a few basic rules to follow: Tandem will work best for shopping, it fits in doorways and crowded aisles better than the side by side. Always check the packaging to see if it will accept two infant carrier/carseats. If you have a small car or a sedan of some sort, The Graco Duo Glider will be pretty much your best option. I would also recommend a jogging stroller. Although they are all side by sides, and don't fold as well, and are heavy, keep one in your garage for a good jog, walk to the park, or just getting out of the house for a while, etc.
Q: How many diapers did you use/change?
A: It's better not to ask questions like that. If you want to really know for budgetary purposes- just don't. Abandon that plan asap. It will only scare you. A good idea would be to stock up while you're pregnant. Get a bunch of different brands and sizes. Every time you go to the grocery store, pick up a pack, big or small. Or ask baby shower guests to bring a pack with them to the party. You will be glad to have a mountain of diapers to run to when your changing station is low.
You will probably feel personally responsible for cramming our landfills full of diapers. It's ok. Try not to stress. Just buy another pack, and don't do the math as much as you can.
Q: Should I dress them the same?
This really only is a question if you're having boy/boy or girl/girl twins. Those who know me have noticed my penchant for identical dressing. There are a lot of reasons for this, both practical as well as my own psychosis. First of all: Not everybody has twins! Most people only get one baby to dress! I've got a chance to be matchy-matchy, and I'm going to take it! Secondly: It may take longer to fold and keep the matches together, but it also ensures I don't loose pieces of ensembles, and I can see when I am getting low on clothes and need to do (yet another) load of laundry.
I have heard this may cause an identity crisis for my girls, or stifles their individuality. And while it may be a bit too extreme to say I'm ok with that- it's more of I'm doing the best I can, and I don't see it affecting my girls. When they want to dress themselves, they can have free reign, but I will have about 16 years of that ahead of me. Right now, they don't care what they wear. (well, as long as they are "pretty dresses")
Q: How do you do it?
A: Organization. That, and a lack of other options. I just have to "do it." And making the best out of the situation and craziness that ensues is a bonus. Get organized. It is possible- I was a classic example of Little Ms. Unorganized pre-twins, but have managed to turn into my mother. (or dare I say Mom 2.0?!) I take what works from other moms and tweak it to work for me too. And most of all- my twins are the most adorable, funny, lovable, and extraordinary kids on the planet... so that helps.
Q: Will I really need two of everything?
A: Will you need it? No. Will you end up with two or more of everything in the end? Yes.
While it may not make fiscal sense- your sanity and ability to get some non-twin-related-stuff done is worth something. If you don't want to buy it all in one fell swoop, stagger it out and get it as you need it. Or try second hand stuff- it's just as good.
Q: But will I need two cribs? Don't they sleep together?
A: (sad chuckling) Oh, you will need two cribs. I know it is tempting to try and save some $ and some space in the nursery, but the reality will come. You will wish that you weren't trying to set up crib #2 with twins running around- without causing damage to the already set up crib #1. (and sometimes the stores discontinue styles on a whim)
Yes, they may sleep together for a little bit. (Mine only lasted 3 mos) Think about it, if you had to spend all your hours with your sibling, wouldn't you be begging for some space of your own? Our twins slept so much better when they weren't bothered by each other. And it just seems odd to think that crib bumpers and plush toys in with baby are no-no's (even though my kids had both with them) but a whole other baby in there wiggling around would be ok. No thank you! And if you buy two big ticket items like that, you can usually angle for a discount! The least of which is the Babies R' Us twin discount of a whopping 10% (insert sarcastic oohs and aaahs here)
Q: How do you get them to sleep on a schedule?
First of all, check out the books on this list. A few items that you will need: swaddler blankets (I recommend these), or the super-amazing talent to properly swaddle with a normal blanket, a noise machine with a "white noise" setting, black out shades, and some patience. As new babies, there is really no hope of a schedule, although they may tend to do things in the same time frame if you feed them both in order or at the same time. The noise machine will help drown out superfluous noise and remind them of the womb, the black out shades will help during naptime, and swaddlers prevent them from waking themselves or each other up with any unnecessary and distracting flailing. I am also a big fan of the cry it out method, or ferberizing when the twins are older. I don't see it as cruel, I see it as teaching them a very valuable skill that they will need and I will treasure; being able to settle themselves down and self-soothe.
Q: Can you really breastfeed twins?
A: I have heard of women who do. But I was never one of them. I was so over-tired, over-stressed, and just wound up so tight in general that one more hurdle (like breastfeeding twins) was one thing I was willing to toss out the window at the first chance. I did pump for two months, and that was very difficult, and added at least 30-45 minutes to the already hour long feeding routine. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work for you. I have seen the pictures of those moms feeding both babies football style, but I just pitied their inability to delegate.
Having other people feed the twins was a lifesaver that I was not willing to part with.
Q: Were you put on bedrest?
A: Yes. And if you're carrying multiples, you will be too. I have yet to meet a multiple mommy who wasn't put on 'the rest' at some point. (yes, I am making up my own slang) Plan for it. I can't remember exactly how long mine was... it seemed like forever, but it was realistically like 6-8 weeks. There are so many things that can get you slapped with 'the rest' it is statistically likely that you'll have some special couch time too. My sentencing was due to blood pressure or what's known as pre-eclampsia. Start learning how to knit or something. I watched old Grey's Anatomy seasons I had on DVD about 10 trillion times.
Q: What kind of stroller is best for twins?
A: I wouldn't know. I am a self-proclaimed stroller junkie. But here's a few basic rules to follow: Tandem will work best for shopping, it fits in doorways and crowded aisles better than the side by side. Always check the packaging to see if it will accept two infant carrier/carseats. If you have a small car or a sedan of some sort, The Graco Duo Glider will be pretty much your best option. I would also recommend a jogging stroller. Although they are all side by sides, and don't fold as well, and are heavy, keep one in your garage for a good jog, walk to the park, or just getting out of the house for a while, etc.
Q: How many diapers did you use/change?
A: It's better not to ask questions like that. If you want to really know for budgetary purposes- just don't. Abandon that plan asap. It will only scare you. A good idea would be to stock up while you're pregnant. Get a bunch of different brands and sizes. Every time you go to the grocery store, pick up a pack, big or small. Or ask baby shower guests to bring a pack with them to the party. You will be glad to have a mountain of diapers to run to when your changing station is low.
You will probably feel personally responsible for cramming our landfills full of diapers. It's ok. Try not to stress. Just buy another pack, and don't do the math as much as you can.
Q: Should I dress them the same?
This really only is a question if you're having boy/boy or girl/girl twins. Those who know me have noticed my penchant for identical dressing. There are a lot of reasons for this, both practical as well as my own psychosis. First of all: Not everybody has twins! Most people only get one baby to dress! I've got a chance to be matchy-matchy, and I'm going to take it! Secondly: It may take longer to fold and keep the matches together, but it also ensures I don't loose pieces of ensembles, and I can see when I am getting low on clothes and need to do (yet another) load of laundry.
I have heard this may cause an identity crisis for my girls, or stifles their individuality. And while it may be a bit too extreme to say I'm ok with that- it's more of I'm doing the best I can, and I don't see it affecting my girls. When they want to dress themselves, they can have free reign, but I will have about 16 years of that ahead of me. Right now, they don't care what they wear. (well, as long as they are "pretty dresses")
Q: How do you do it?
A: Organization. That, and a lack of other options. I just have to "do it." And making the best out of the situation and craziness that ensues is a bonus. Get organized. It is possible- I was a classic example of Little Ms. Unorganized pre-twins, but have managed to turn into my mother. (or dare I say Mom 2.0?!) I take what works from other moms and tweak it to work for me too. And most of all- my twins are the most adorable, funny, lovable, and extraordinary kids on the planet... so that helps.
The Cast
Craftyashley and The Husband:
We are the definition of the phrase "opposites attract." We could not be any more different or contrary if we tried. And sometimes, I try. Somehow it all works. (through lots of screaming and ice cream)
We have been married for longer than I care to admit, and we plan to stay that way. As long as The Husband continues to admit that I am always right. I'm sure he'll start on that right away.
The Bunny:
Our "firstborn" by one whole minute. Our little bunny is a cuddler, yet she is very serious for her age. She is also stubborn. (a trait she unfortunately got a double helping of from both her father and I) She's a brilliant ballerina- so very graceful for a 3 year old. One can get completely lost in her huge brilliant blue eyes.
The Squirt
Our tiny Squirt is full of fire and energy. She is a daredevil, although she has yet to be injured at all by her crazy antics of stuntery. Being the younger and smaller of the twins, she's also highly sensitive; Do not tell her the wind could blow her away. (she's already petrified of this very occurrence) She's very loud, (especially when she sings) and her voice is oftentimes in a decibel range that only dogs can hear.
The Twins:
Just to prove that I have twins, and not just posting multiple pictures of a singleton. (Is it strange that I worry about that?) Here they are together! (yes, that's us in the background- you can tell who it's really all about)
Little Man:
The newest arrival to our little circus. He is into everything, and is completely adored by his big sisters. He marvels in amazement at their big kid status, looking up to them almost to a fault. He's a complete Mama's boy and has been less "independent" than the twins ever were. Mostly he's quite pleasant and sleeps for 12 hours at night. (I brag about this to everyone- because we're awesome parents in the sleep-training department. All the other departments? Not so much)
Scotty:
Our very first baby. We rescued him from a shelter when we were newlyweds. I was lonely at home while The Husband worked two jobs, and I wasn't ready for a baby. Most times he's more maintenance than an infant. He's strong willed, offended easily, and has a real attitude problem. But he's also fuzzy and cute- and I'm convinced he makes a great guard-dog.
Peaches:
Was a birthday present for myself. And kind of a toy for Scotty. He needed a little puppy to boss around and play with. However, now that Scotty has decided he's an old man, Peaches mostly rules the roost. She is five pounds of fury- fast as lightning, and kinda yappy. But we love her anyway because really, how could you not love all that spunk on four toothpick legs?
We are the definition of the phrase "opposites attract." We could not be any more different or contrary if we tried. And sometimes, I try. Somehow it all works. (through lots of screaming and ice cream)We have been married for longer than I care to admit, and we plan to stay that way. As long as The Husband continues to admit that I am always right. I'm sure he'll start on that right away.
The Bunny:
Our "firstborn" by one whole minute. Our little bunny is a cuddler, yet she is very serious for her age. She is also stubborn. (a trait she unfortunately got a double helping of from both her father and I) She's a brilliant ballerina- so very graceful for a 3 year old. One can get completely lost in her huge brilliant blue eyes.The Squirt
Our tiny Squirt is full of fire and energy. She is a daredevil, although she has yet to be injured at all by her crazy antics of stuntery. Being the younger and smaller of the twins, she's also highly sensitive; Do not tell her the wind could blow her away. (she's already petrified of this very occurrence) She's very loud, (especially when she sings) and her voice is oftentimes in a decibel range that only dogs can hear.The Twins:
Just to prove that I have twins, and not just posting multiple pictures of a singleton. (Is it strange that I worry about that?) Here they are together! (yes, that's us in the background- you can tell who it's really all about)
Little Man:
The newest arrival to our little circus. He is into everything, and is completely adored by his big sisters. He marvels in amazement at their big kid status, looking up to them almost to a fault. He's a complete Mama's boy and has been less "independent" than the twins ever were. Mostly he's quite pleasant and sleeps for 12 hours at night. (I brag about this to everyone- because we're awesome parents in the sleep-training department. All the other departments? Not so much)
Scotty:
Our very first baby. We rescued him from a shelter when we were newlyweds. I was lonely at home while The Husband worked two jobs, and I wasn't ready for a baby. Most times he's more maintenance than an infant. He's strong willed, offended easily, and has a real attitude problem. But he's also fuzzy and cute- and I'm convinced he makes a great guard-dog.Peaches:
Was a birthday present for myself. And kind of a toy for Scotty. He needed a little puppy to boss around and play with. However, now that Scotty has decided he's an old man, Peaches mostly rules the roost. She is five pounds of fury- fast as lightning, and kinda yappy. But we love her anyway because really, how could you not love all that spunk on four toothpick legs?Twin Reading
Besides reading my blog regularly for all things twin, or baby related. I feel that I need to share my resources. These books are ones I cannot live without and often give at baby showers. Because other parents deserve the same wisdom I have been blessed with.
Twins:
Ready or Not... Here We Come! by Elizabeth Lyons (when you're serious about being prepared) She outlines what you'll need, how you can even pretend to function like a normal human being with infant twins, and how you can rearrange your brain to be the organized super-mom that others will be in awe of.
Ready or Not... There We Go! by Elizabeth Lyons (for twin toddlerdom)
Because once you get through that first "tough year," it only gets more complicated. You may be sleeping through the night, and have a schedule. But now you need to entertain these two, and protect your furniture! Your sanity! And don't even start with me about the twin potty training.
Twinspiration by Cheryl Lage (when you need a break from being seriously prepared and want fewer panic attacks) Sometimes it's just nice to read some heartwarming stories and start to feel incredibly blessed (as you should) about having a double helping of baby.
Feeding:
Blender Baby Food by Nicole Young
Do not expect making baby food to be super inexpensive. It is easy. I will give you that. But it is more of an up-front cost. And it's inability to be very portable kind of sucks. But I did it! It was nice to give the girls "actual" food. And it's broken down by age range, there's nutrition information, and it extends beyond just purees to some really great recipes for toddlers and the whole family! It's format is very easy and not at all scary and complex. (like Super Baby Food
)
Sleeping:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth
I cannot emphasize enough how important proper sleep and scheduling is for twins (and I'm now convinced for simply any baby- singleton, twin, triplet, etc.) This one is a good book for when you have those 'help! How do I fix this exact situation' feeling. There are lots of ideas in here, and fixes for your specific child's little quirks. (there will be many)
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (a new version just for twins! Wish I would have had this one too!)
I could only look and see that this book would be "available soon." I longed for this book. Having something specifically geared towards twins is invaluable to the twin-mom's psyche.
On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
Read it. Just do it. It's so much more than a "cry it out" method. In fact, that phrase doesn't even begin to resemble this program. It's so doable, and pretty much works miracles. While there have been hiccups, both my twins and my new singleton have slept through the night- and I mean from 9pm to 9am by two months of age. It's not just a luxury, it's a necessity. This also has some very compelling arguments for you "attachment parenters" out there. Read up!
Post-Baby Marriage:
Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs by Willard Harley
I have begged the husband to read this with me. He's finally come around. It has some really "duh!" advice that you just don't think about when you're in the thick of parenting and trying to sustain a romantic (or even generally loving relationship) with your spouse. Try not to let this relationship fall by the wayside. It's crazy what just a little inattention will do to your marriage. We waited too long to address issues after the twins were born. We thought we were just too busy. But after putting the twins down to sleep- and wanting nothing to do with each other, we decided to take a different approach. (who has time for marriage counseling with infant twins? Nobody!) This was our marriage counseling, and we need to beef up on it every now and again to keep things running smoothly. Ok- that's probably enough personal-sharing!
Post-Baby Body:
Pick Your Spot Pilates with Ellen Barrett
I like Ellen. She reminds me of Lorelai from The Gilmore Girls. (and more recently Parenthood on NBC) Her workouts are short, helpful, and I like being able to say 'You know what? My butt feels really big this morning, let's do something about that!' It's also never gets "too easy," so you can keep doing it no matter what your fitness level. (Although I should probably include that I've never been a super-duper-fitness buff. I could never do a triathlon! Of course, I never wanted to)
Twins:
Ready or Not... Here We Come! by Elizabeth Lyons (when you're serious about being prepared) She outlines what you'll need, how you can even pretend to function like a normal human being with infant twins, and how you can rearrange your brain to be the organized super-mom that others will be in awe of.
Ready or Not... There We Go! by Elizabeth Lyons (for twin toddlerdom)
Because once you get through that first "tough year," it only gets more complicated. You may be sleeping through the night, and have a schedule. But now you need to entertain these two, and protect your furniture! Your sanity! And don't even start with me about the twin potty training.
Twinspiration by Cheryl Lage (when you need a break from being seriously prepared and want fewer panic attacks) Sometimes it's just nice to read some heartwarming stories and start to feel incredibly blessed (as you should) about having a double helping of baby.
Feeding:
Blender Baby Food by Nicole Young
Do not expect making baby food to be super inexpensive. It is easy. I will give you that. But it is more of an up-front cost. And it's inability to be very portable kind of sucks. But I did it! It was nice to give the girls "actual" food. And it's broken down by age range, there's nutrition information, and it extends beyond just purees to some really great recipes for toddlers and the whole family! It's format is very easy and not at all scary and complex. (like Super Baby Food
)Sleeping:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth
I cannot emphasize enough how important proper sleep and scheduling is for twins (and I'm now convinced for simply any baby- singleton, twin, triplet, etc.) This one is a good book for when you have those 'help! How do I fix this exact situation' feeling. There are lots of ideas in here, and fixes for your specific child's little quirks. (there will be many)
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (a new version just for twins! Wish I would have had this one too!)
I could only look and see that this book would be "available soon." I longed for this book. Having something specifically geared towards twins is invaluable to the twin-mom's psyche.
On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
Read it. Just do it. It's so much more than a "cry it out" method. In fact, that phrase doesn't even begin to resemble this program. It's so doable, and pretty much works miracles. While there have been hiccups, both my twins and my new singleton have slept through the night- and I mean from 9pm to 9am by two months of age. It's not just a luxury, it's a necessity. This also has some very compelling arguments for you "attachment parenters" out there. Read up!
Post-Baby Marriage:
Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs by Willard Harley
I have begged the husband to read this with me. He's finally come around. It has some really "duh!" advice that you just don't think about when you're in the thick of parenting and trying to sustain a romantic (or even generally loving relationship) with your spouse. Try not to let this relationship fall by the wayside. It's crazy what just a little inattention will do to your marriage. We waited too long to address issues after the twins were born. We thought we were just too busy. But after putting the twins down to sleep- and wanting nothing to do with each other, we decided to take a different approach. (who has time for marriage counseling with infant twins? Nobody!) This was our marriage counseling, and we need to beef up on it every now and again to keep things running smoothly. Ok- that's probably enough personal-sharing!
Post-Baby Body:
Pick Your Spot Pilates with Ellen Barrett
I like Ellen. She reminds me of Lorelai from The Gilmore Girls. (and more recently Parenthood on NBC) Her workouts are short, helpful, and I like being able to say 'You know what? My butt feels really big this morning, let's do something about that!' It's also never gets "too easy," so you can keep doing it no matter what your fitness level. (Although I should probably include that I've never been a super-duper-fitness buff. I could never do a triathlon! Of course, I never wanted to)
So You're Having Twins
Or perhaps you are interested in twins? A friend/relative/coworker is having twins? Here's a compilation of some of my thoughts and advice on the whole twin situation. Some of these things I have asked of other sage twin moms, others I just stumbled upon on my own. Enjoy! And feel free to email me if you have any other questions. I love talking about the twins (just not in the diaper aisle of the grocery store!)
I've made a list of some of my favorite books and general resources.
I made up a Twin Q & A for everybody in general. I want to just hand it out on a business card every time I come upon a Chatty Stranger Cathy at Target.
If you're having twins, be prepared for the celebrity factor.
What to do about the sleeping?! Sleeping is important! Here are my experiences with that elusive mistress of snoozing.
The toys. They will eat your house alive if you aren't careful. I was lucky enough to stumble upon this super stupendous method that we still use!
Good luck!
I've made a list of some of my favorite books and general resources.
I made up a Twin Q & A for everybody in general. I want to just hand it out on a business card every time I come upon a Chatty Stranger Cathy at Target.
If you're having twins, be prepared for the celebrity factor.
What to do about the sleeping?! Sleeping is important! Here are my experiences with that elusive mistress of snoozing.
The toys. They will eat your house alive if you aren't careful. I was lucky enough to stumble upon this super stupendous method that we still use!
Good luck!
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