No Kids Fed Here

During a particularly queasy moment yesterday, my tummy decided a jalapeno burger from Carl's Jr. was the only cure to fix what ailed me. (makes total sense, right?) Upon pulling into the drive thru I noticed a glaring lack of something super important in my life right now: kids meals! Nothing! Sure, I could get them a 5 pc. chicken strips and fries, but would I really be a good parent after that? I'm shelling out $10 and I don't even get a toy to tame the two year olds until we get home?! Ludacrous! I then started compiling a list of other un-kid-friendly fast food joints:

In-n-Out Burger: I know- simple menu. Supposed to be the old-fashioned appeal. But I can't exactly give a two year old a giant burger and say "have at it!" It's hard to speak so harshly about my beloved INO, but you have a GIGANTIC downside. Can't we just get along?

Jack in the Box: Ok, a couple bonus points for at least HAVING a kid's meal, but I refuse to give my kids a questionable piece of meat/burger. So I pretty much insist on chicken nuggets. And no toddler toy? Evil! Plus they lose said bonus points for tasting bad and being more expensive than Wendy's.*
*see further down in the Kid-Awesome food joint list.

Taco Bell: Way to go stuffing onions in your refried beans. Not only does it taste atrocious, small children refuse to touch it. I can't exactly blame them for that. And you call a pathetic pouch of chips a"side?" Shame on you.

Arby's: Yes, you do have chicken strips a la carte. But they are REALLY crunchy and I consider not drawing blood in my kid's mouth a serious plus. You used to have cool kids meals- even had the best Jetsons' toys around! What happened to you, Arby's?


Kid-Awesome fast food joints:

Wendy's: While you did lose points for discontinuing the sqeezable yogurt, there's tons of healthy choices for kids. The girls heartily endorse the mandarin oranges. And an extra gold star for having some of the best toddler toys I've ever seen.

Burger King: There are hats. That will pretty much brighten the day of any toddler in this hemisphere. I may not care for your "flame broiled" taste, but the kiddos love your hats. I've had to dock you a few points for forming your chicken nuggets into things. It makes me feel like it's a little overprocessed. But you have Apple Fries... the best side known to man. The toddler toys are pretty rockin' as well.

McDonalds: Of course my girls have to love something that I hate with the fire of a thousand suns. But I will admit there are a ton of Mickey D's around here (which is good for when I'm wandering in a pinch) and your chicken nuggets are probably the best of anyone else's. Give me the option of ordering 10 at a time and I will hug you. AND you have Apple Dippers. It's the trifecta of love. (although you could use some cool paper hats)