What It's Like

My husband and I had a lengthy conversation as I was in pre-op hooked up to an IV drip. We had lengthy conversations because I'm fairly certain my nurse and/or doctor completely forgot about me for an hour or so. And my doctor took much more time on me too- so perhaps he's just... thorough. Anyway, the husband is an odd type of fellow. One with few medical issues, and has never been put under general anesthesia. And he wanted to know... you know, what it's like. So I'm going to tell you, my blogging audience. And unfortunately, there will be no pictures because the husband wouldn't let me take any. Especially of him.

The husband was under the impression that you get drowsy and sort of drift off. No. Not how it happens. One second they are asking you to count down from 100 (a particularly hard thing for me do to.. because I am math-impaired) then the next thing you know, wham! You're somewhere new and you feel like crap. This time I specifically remember then removing the intubation tube. I couldn't breathe, and it freaked me out. Really. I was pretty well convinced I was going to die. Then the tube slid out and I could breathe. I blacked out again after that. And again forgot where I was and what I was doing. And I was in pain. The first thing I gasped was "I hurt!" Like my three year olds. I'm hoping other people sound dumb after waking up too... because that would make me feel better.

I had trouble breathing and needed the oxygen mask, then they weaned me to the oxygen tube. I could tell it was Friday, and they all really wanted to go home. I couldn't blame them. I wanted to go home! But I was in so much pain! The nurse told me they had pumped me full of air to spread out all the organs and pain meds wouldn't help. I did not enjoy hearing that. And I was whining about it in my head the whole time. The husband helped to dress me. Bras become WAY less important to you in such a state. I was really glad I wasn't a celebrity at that moment, with paparazzi poised outside the door. I was miserable, and asked the nurse if I was going to "toss my cookies." No sweetheart, you'll probably just burp out some of that air. Lovely. And no. I would be throwing up onto those hospital floors. I'll bet she was wishing she would have given me those kidney-shaped yak bins. And my throat hurts, my ribs hurt, my incisions hurt, and all this culminates into my inability to sleep. I am determined to rectify this soon. Like probably now. Because things are getting blurry. And did I mention that I'm on some pretty substantial pain meds? So this could be only coherent to my drug riddled mind... oh! Fun!

Do not pity me too much. I'm a whiner. I'm sure I will be fine tomorrow. I'll make sure to write about all the curious and interesting people I met at the surgical center. You bet your pants I was looking around the waiting room to ascertain if someone was getting a nose job! Or a boob job!