A List for You

You're not really potty training your kids until:

- You have found poop on your walls. (yes, even your walls)

- You do a load of laundry a day. Mostly to keep the kids in clean clothes and undies.

- The Little Green Clean Machine is a close, and personal friend.

- You are cursing the fact that any part of your house has carpet. And you now know how hard it is to get poop out of carpet.

- You've dared yourself to step out of the house without a change of clothes and underwear... only to have someone get diarrhea in public, and you have to borrow children's panties from a friend. (you've also got amazing friends)

- While you're completely humiliated about borrowing undies, you don't die from embarrassment. (which is surprising)

- You've learned how to strip a bed down without getting fecal matter on your person. Extra points if you can do it with bed rails.

- You have 30 pairs of kid panties, but every time you're at Target, you consider buying more.

- You blog about gross bodily functions on a regular basis. (This probably makes readers without children barf onto their keyboards- sorry. You should get some children so you can understand)

- You have lost your appetite due to long and frequent trips to the restaurant's restrooms.

- You cringe a little bit when your child asks for more juice in their sippy cup. Because you know there's only a 50% chance that juice is going to come out the opposite end and land into the potty.

- When your child comes up to you and informs you that they have poopy panties, deep down inside, you wish you were someone else. Anyone else. (or that your husband was present to pass the buck to)

- When you get a cold accompanied by a stuffy nose, you are at least a little bit happy. Because your ability to smell has been significantly compromised.

- You begin to think that being "fully potty trained" is nothing more than an urban legend.

- You've also convinced yourself that your kids will be the first ones to show up to the first day of Kindergarten in diapers. You may even call in a Guiness World Record Keeper to document the event.