A Few Things About Cleaning

I am about 3/4 of the way through a thorough cleaning of my house. I've had some thoughts along the way:

- I should have saved myself a ton of sweat and sore back. It's October, I could have just charged admission to see my little house of horrors.

- Bathroom cleaner makes me gag. I think I'm going to get cancer just from that toxic smell. The new "with bleach" kind seems to be the worst. I picked the bleach because I'm a germaphobe. And if there is one thing a raging germaphobe loves- it's bleach. I'm quite lightheaded after scrubbing the shower. It's nice to have a clean shower- but I'm not sure it was worth all that.

- Scrubbing the floors should cut down on all the filthy onesies from my army-crawler-baby, right? It had better. Or else I'm lodging a complaint!

- The smudgy little handprints on the window still warm my heart a little, even after three years of constantly wiping them off.

- I want a new vacuum. This one especially.

- I would also prefer hardwood on the stairs- so I can just swiffer the crap out of it and be done.

- If I find one more thing that Scotty stealthily peed on- I'm gonna cry.

- In the nearly three years we've lived in this house, I have scrubbed the banisters so hard that the paint has come right off. I'm now down to the wood in some spots. How neurotic is that?!

- My house is clean, but now I smell bad. You know it's bad when you can smell yourself- and you reek.

- Ten bucks says The Husband won't even notice a difference. I'm going to try and not say anything. Let's see how long- if ever- he notices the house isn't a giant crudball.

- I'm going to start auditioning for maids. There is a price I am willing to pay to never have to do that again.