Who's in BIG Trouble?

Me.

I am soooo busted. I am kicking myself in my plushy hindquarters as we speak. When we first abandoned our landline and went strictly cell phone as a household, I lost not one, not two, but three brand new cell phones to a swift watery death at the hands of my washer. After that I swore I would never buy myself a pricey phone because I have the responsibility threshold of a 13 year old when it comes to keeping track of these tiny pieces of technology. I even convinced myself that I was OKAY with being the only person on the planet who did not have a phone the size of a brick that could text, surf the web, post to Facebook, and make julienne fries.

But ladies and gentlemen, I am NOT ok with this. I want an iphone so desperately. I salivate when I see them on line. I have to bat my credit card hand away.
I praised myself these past two years for keeping my current phone alive and well. I would lose track of it, sure. But never for more than a day and never to the sudsy waters of destruction. I kept that sucker for two whole years! I was sure I was the picture of responsibility! I am an adult, dangit!

I WAS SO CLOSE, PEOPLE.

Our contract is up this month and just two days ago The Husband and I were checking out new phoning possibilities. I was thinking about getting into this texting thing everyone keeps insisting that I do. I was thinking about how all the apps could entertain the children when confined to small doctor's offices. I was getting all glassy eyed about the prospect of Googling important information while away from my computer! It would end arguments like "exactly how tall is Joel McHale?!" in a mere matter of seconds! I want to be the one with the answers to questions like "what songs are on Just Dance For Kids?" while having dinner at my parents house! This ability has been possessed only by everyone else in my family. Slowly making my trusty, reliable, old sidekick of a phone look so pathetic. Like Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, gimp legged and hobbling along to his awaiting porridge.

I mean, really. Look at all those people clapping for RandomGuyWhoBoughtAniPhone! That should be ME!

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But now. Oh, now. I find myself without a phone entirely.

I lost it. I think in the parking lot at church. But either way- it's gone forever. And along with it? My argument for why I should flit away a giant heapload of money on a really cool phone for myself. I will be relegated to $40 Target phones for all of eternity. Or do you think the twins would have better luck keeping track of it for me? They have been simply hilarious as they've mounted their own little search for my phone. They call it like a dog. There's clapping. And (as close as they can come to) whistling.