The Snarky Wife

In preparation for my last minute weekend getaway, I ended up making a lot of lists for everyone involved. Because I'm a hugely sarcastic and snide woman, I made a secondary list- which is not really for The Husband, except that it is, and I know he doesn't read my blog. (that'll show him!)

Since I had already packed my computer, I wrote the list down, chuckling to myself in an abnormally greedy fashion as I prepared to escape The House of Crazy. (TM) Then I had no internet on the trip, so I am posting it now. Because it still makes me laugh. (it's funny because it's true!)

Dear Husband:

- The kids (all three of them) are in various stages of starting a cold, ENJOY.

- VapoRub is in the medicine cabinet. If you can find and figure out how to use the vaporizer, more power to you. Also: 3 kids, 3 rooms, 1 vaporizer: you do the math.

- Peaches has been acting funny and pooping a lot. I've sworn off flushing our money away on the vet, so use the carpet cleaner liberally.

- Squirt has gone back to constant bed wetting, again, enjoy!

- Extra sheets are in the linen closet. (the door by the washer & dryer- I'm not 100% sure you've noticed/ever opened that door)

- Little Man has figured out how to open some of the kitchen cabinets- even the locked ones. Consider yourself warned.

- Don't act like you are doing me this huge, gigantic favor. You get 2 days a week away from your employer. I'm asking for 3 days per YEAR. Just a little perspective.

- Friday is "wash all the sheets" day. Don't sleep in dirty sheets all weekend... please

- The dogs have somehow found a super secret escape route out of the backyard. Keep an eye on them.

- The car is out of gas. Sorry.

- I'm not "expecting" you to install the new kitchen faucet on your own while I'm gone. But it would be nice (coughcough)

- Oh yeah, Little Man has a cough.

Wishing You Well, And do not call under any circumstances unless a near-death emergency. Even then... try someone else first,

Your Wife.