Things I Am Not Doing Well

Things I am not doing well this week:

1. Cooking. I had a rather awful belly flop of a meal the other week. It had a lot of ingredients, (one of which I forgot to purchase at the store) it also used a ton of chicken breasts. You see, the ingredient I forgot was (non-diet) lemon lime soda. I don't want to give the kids stuff with phenlythalene (however you spell it) or fake sugar.

YES, BECAUSE I'M A GIGANTIC HIPPIE.

While I ingest an alarming amount of said phenekleatemates, as Diet Coke really the only constant in my diet, I keep this all from my kids. Plus if anything, they could use the extra calories. Wow, this is becoming a rant about soda. Sorry. So I didn't want to use the stuff I had. Here is my thought process: 1) soda is just carbonated water, right? Ok, I'll just toss in 12 oz. of water! Problem solved. 2) The "lemon-lime?" I have BOTH lemon and lime juice! A tablespoon of each will SURELY be fine. I then added the enormous amount of apple cider vinegar the recipe called for and walked away, feeling like I should be on some competitive Food Network show. As the day wore on, (this was a crock pot recipe) I began to feel less sure about my choices. I checked the recipe again; OH HI, I was not supposed to use the whole can of lemon lime soda, but only 1/4 c. I do this all the time- gloss over instructions. It's why I would make a terrible Amazing Race contestant- READ THE WHOLE CLUE.

The recipe instructions call for me to remove the cooked chicken and make a glaze out of the liquid from the pot. (an aspect I liked in the recipe to begin with) I was worried my glaze was going to be... eww gross. So I decided to MAKE ANOTHER VERSION of the glaze. Obviously, the window in which I could have dashed to the grocery store has passed so I've decided to just OMIT the soda because, well, I have convinced myself that I AM AN EXPERT ONCE MORE.

In the end, it all smells so very vinegar-y. Unappetizingly so. I know I should taste test it before giving it to the kids, but my tastebuds are screaming NO, PLEASE DON'T. I taste it, and it isn't as bad as it... smells. I give the kids the option to eat the chicken or have cereal. To their credit, the twins do taste it, make a face, and request Golden Grahams. I go with it too, being a big fan of breakfast-for-dinner.

At the end of the night, I threw a lot of food away. Perfectly fine ingredients that I had ruined with reckless abandon. That'll take a good notch out of one's cooking esteem.

I have since decided that bagels & cream cheese, along with a spinach/fruit smoothie is a meal. Poor Husband is very sad about these developments. However I have been making muffins like a complete fool. So we've been up to our ears in various muffins. No carb left behind!

Let's get back to the list now and hope this doesn't become an interminably long post.

2. Entertaining Short Stack while the twins are at school. (you want another show, you say?)

3. Not having migraines. I am in a particularly bad stretch with the hormonal migraines. Daily, sometimes twice. I am a no-good blob of uselessness. Things seem to be looking up today, but there is a lingering poker in my head that I am hoping won't turn into something more nefarious. I am not a great parent on migraines. I have a short fuse and zero patience. I'm sure the kids enjoy that.

4. Having patience with homework. This is one of the many times I in which I am grateful (for everyone involved, including myself) that I did not follow my instinct to become a teacher during my freshman year at college. I am not a kid person. That would have been a spectacularly bad choice for me.

That said, the spelling words coming home lately are driving me batty. REAL EXAMPLES: Whop, wham, whim, troll, trend, whit.
I looked up "whop" in the dictionary because I was so sure it was not an actual word, but more of a "sound." I was wrong. Dictionary dot com has proclaimed it a for-real word. I shake my fist at you, "dictionary."

I have very little patience especially when the girls are trying harder to "write fast like mommy" instead of "write the SPELLING WORD correctly." There have been tears. Yes, I feel totally awful.

Word problems have become a... problem. I forget that while the solution may be OBVIOUS to me, these kids are used to 4+1= 5. When you come at them with "Annie has 5 apples, then picks another, how many apples does she have?" They freeze and declare it UNSOLVABLE, quit trying to solve it, Mommy. That's fun.

I also tend to side with my children in agreeing that certain things are lame; Like answering questions about stuff we've read. "How would you change the story if you were the author" does seem like a waste of everyone's time. One time we were filling out the bottom part of the reading log. Said log asks which book from the week was your favorite, and how many stars would you give it? (The girls totally do not understand the rating system, and explaining it is more complicated than it would seem) It goes on to ask if you would "recommend this book to a friend?" Squirt was in a particularly sassy mood, and wrote a curt "NO" on the line. (after giving the book five stars) The next question of "why" was answered with a firm "bekase I do not wont to." I asked her if she did not like the book and she replied "No, I just don't want to answer all these questions about it." FAIR ENOUGH, KID.

I am coming to the conclusion that I am a teacher's worst nightmare. I want them to learn, but I would like to be a bit further removed from the process. Especially when I am expected to juggle two kids doing homework, a three year old running around with an ipod, and getting dinner on the table, all within the same couple hours.

And lastly on the list of Things I Am Not Doing Well:

5? Having an ounce of grace and/or being showered most of the time.

PUBLISH.