Forced Freshening

Have I mentioned before how much New Year's turns my crank in all the right ways? I love the idea of a "new start." Probably just as much as I love a good shower before pouring myself between the sheets at night for a good night's sleep.

I like this break, from the hurried, tiring pace of holidays in quick succession, all involving sweets and foodstuffs... like pie. (I'm looking at you, Thanksgiving & Christmas!) The year seems very old, and used up, like a dirty crumpled up napkin. Or perhaps I should say I feel like the dirty crumpled up napkin. I am eagerly awaiting getting thrown in the wash, bleached, then starched.

The entire notion of LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN is appealing. Me, being the constant stumbler. I am ready to try again. To start over. Even though it is all a farce, nothing is actually starting over besides a fresh calendar. (yes, I still buy the paper calendars, and I use them, write all over them in fact) It's the implied freshness that I enjoy so much. Knowing that tomorrow I will awake with some strong convictions and a whole PLAN ALL MAPPED OUT.

In past years I had felt a sense of urgency to have a "better" year. This is a nice break from tradition. We had a pretty good uneventful year. (as far as my limited memory is concerned) Sure, we are kind of nowhere on The Husband's back/neck thing, and that causes an amount of anxiety, but we've had much worse years. This, I feel, we can handle.

I lost 40 lbs this year. FOUR TEE. I have since then bobbed around on the scale, but this year I will work to simply maintain what I feel comfortable with. I'm fine where I'm at now. (I have to consciously work to be fine, obviously, but I'm not really fretting about the numbers which is nice) I will be eating an obscene amount of Sugar Cookie Pop Tarts tonight, so whatever. (Get yo self some of those Pop Tarts, they're a "limited time" thing which means my local Smith's will be sold out after I run over there to polish off the shelves)

This year I turned 30. THIR TEE. Which I guess I feel fine about. I'm almost liking the wrinkles. I look... wiseish.

This year The Husband celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. TENTH TEE! It has both felt that long and not felt long at all. We also had our first weekend sans children, so it was awesome! (have I mentioned that weekend's awesomeness yet?)

There are some things that I would like to tweak about next year. And here they are in order from most challenging to... still pretty freaking challenging.

1. No More Yelling.

Don't roll your eyes at me. It can be done. I've tried it for almost two whole days with some success. And yes, I have read all of the super saccharine blog posts that have been pinned ad nauseum on the topic. And it's all been ruled out as "that wouldn't work with MY kids." So I'm not going to turn this into that. I am not going to make a big deal about it, spouting how pious and non-yell-y I am or want to be. Promise. I've just decided that I may not be the most ideal parent right now. I've let a lot of my own behavior slide, I am quick to anger, I flip out all too easy. And honestly, I have seen my own behavior mirrored back at me by the kids, and I don't much care for that. So we're trying something new. Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. At the very least I feel more zen MYSELF when I don't let myself fly off the handle too easily. I thought it would be stifling to keep the anger and rage in, but it isn't. I can process and digest it most of the time and come out feeling fine. So that's what's happening there.

2. Looking into the Migraine Issue

I've made a few steps into the pool of "hey, can we stop the incessant migraines?" I've had an MRI. I've tried some meds. But I have an idea I want to try, it would be a new medication and it would be a GAMBLE. It might have super super de duper not pleasant side effects or whatever. If I get on it and it fails, I have no more ideas. I know. I got my medical degree from TV. I've been avoiding this for too long. THIS IS THE YEAR. (maybe) (can I say maybe again?)

3. The word I'm ascribing to the new year is Tranquility. Isn't the idea of labeling a whole year with one word exciting? It's so ridiculous it's great. Minus the yelling and the migraines, I can see our house and our life as a more tranquil space. I wouldn't balk at more sleep, but I'd hate to be greedy.

In case you are curious, I have two bottles of sparkling apple cider in the fridge, and some snack cakes for the kids. (the sugar cookie pop tarts are for ME. ME. Do you hear me? ME) Our new years will officially begin at 7:00 tonight. Then bedtime. Then I will watch TV with The Husband while eating even more pop tarts. Exciting times, y'all.